i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
