eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize