Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
