So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
