True but thats because hes a fetus.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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