just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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