Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
