If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
