he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
