I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
