tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
