I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
