i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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