Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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