She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
