well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
