pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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