I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
