I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
