brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
