Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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