This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to make out with him forever
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
