Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
