Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
