you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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