I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
