So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why didn't you poke me back
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
