Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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