I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
