just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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