There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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