I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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