guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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