A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
