Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
