Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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