How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
