he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
