I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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