U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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