Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
