Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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