Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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