I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
