Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
