You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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