Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
