she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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