I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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