Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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