WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
