we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This baby is an asshole
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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