I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
