My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We need to get me chipped asap
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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