When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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