I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
