We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
