frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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