That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
