Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
