i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
