its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
