just tell him i said nine months
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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