I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
