I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
