why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
