Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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