someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
