How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
