I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How external is "for external use only"?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
