My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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