I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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