I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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