so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
