Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
