I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
