You can't special order awesome
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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