Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
