I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
