Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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