I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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