Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
