The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
