so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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