I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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