it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
