he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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