Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My penis needs a shock collar
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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