You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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