I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
