When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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