she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
