i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
